ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize