I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
