Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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