I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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