We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
