man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
