Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
