my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
