I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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