You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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