We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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