its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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