I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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