I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
