Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
