i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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