Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
