dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
