And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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