I hope mine doesn't look like that
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
