the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I smell stomach acid.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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