let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
