how can u be prego again
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
