He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
