it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
