very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
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All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
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Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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