Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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