I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm like, not good at living.
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