smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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