We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
