she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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