I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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