It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
