dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
