and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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