I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize