Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i think i just lost a toe
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
