I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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