oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
