I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
