Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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