I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
