Having a random hookup so left but love u
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
