some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
