I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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