the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
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