Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
