it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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