Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
