you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
