He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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