Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
