Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
