just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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