They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
