Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
