If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
